


Love Sick

by Haleyb333



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6635215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haleyb333/pseuds/Haleyb333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shadowhunters are forbidden by Law to use mundane medicine. But what happens when Alec gets an illness that only mundane medicine can cure? The catch, warlocks can't destroy diseases, but they can transfer them from one person to another. What will Magnus do to save Alec's life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So if you notice, this is "Book 1" because when I wrote this, I intended to end it at a certain point, then I went back a few months later and wrote a "Book 2." I hope you all enjoy this!
> 
> Another thing, I am trying to transfer all of my writing here, so that's why I've been posting so much every day! I'll probably be doing two chapters of each story every day! 
> 
> Also, I did write this probably before even Shadowhunter Academy was out, so the twins are my OCs!

Finally, Alec thought. Date night, well, really just a night without screaming children. Not that Alec didn't utterly love his children, but lately the twins had been driving him insane, not to mention that he and Magnus rarely had any alone time anymore. Tonight the kids were staying at the Institute with Clary and Jace so that alone time would actually become possible. He and Magnus had rescued the twins, Maggie and Max, from a Shadowhunter's raid on their parents' house. From what Alec could discern, the raid had happened simply because their parents were warlocks, meaning that the twins had been adopted once already because they were warlocks as well.

They had been walking past the house when the raid occurred simply by chance. Magnus had warned Alec to not get involved, but as soon as he had realized there were children inside, he could not be restrained. To his slight surprise, Magnus had not simply stood by, but rather barged into the house after Alec, wielding his powers as sharply as any weapon Alec had ever touched. Alec remembered that he had been prepared to fight with all he had, but in a matter of minutes the other Shadowhunters were so terrified of Magnus that they had all but run from the house, leaving them alone to care for the children left behind in the wreckage.

When they had rescued the twins, they had been three years old, and although the name Max had killed Alec at first, he grew to love it more and more every day. In the beginning, his son had reminded him so much of the Max he missed every day that sometimes so much as looking at him had caused Alec pain. Yet the more he had grown to love the children, the more he adored how similar Max was to his little brother.

The rescue mission had been two years ago, and Magnus and Alec couldn't be happier about being parents. Every time Alec heard "Daddy" from either of the twins, he thought he was going to burst with happiness. The first time they had called him that, he had been so excited Magnus had later made the comment that he looked as though he were going to spontaneously combust.

Alone time, however, was very valuable to both of them. Magnus had planned this date, and so far it was going fabulously. They were currently out to dinner, nothing too fancy, but one of their favorite places. Magnus had apparently planned something special for when they got home, and Alec was all but buzzing with anticipation throughout the dinner.

"Alec?" Magnus's voice was drowning with love and amusement. Alec jerked out of his thoughts as he realized that Magnus had probably been telling him something, but he had no idea what.

"I'm sorry, what were you talking about?" He replied, but Magnus couldn't help it, he was too curious to continue their earlier conversation. "Not important," he waved it off. "What were you so deep in thought about?"

Magnus felt his heart skip a beat when Alec's face lit up. He knew he would never get used to being so in love. "A couple of things, really. I was thinking about the twins for one." At that, Magnus sighed.

"Alexander, they're fine, I'm sure. They adore Jace and Clary. You can stop thinking about them for one night; you're not going to lose your "Father of the Century" title for it."

Alec snorted, he couldn't help it when Magnus said such things. "If I'm "Father of the Century" then Jace is set to become the next Pope." Magnus answered with a hearty laugh, earning some glances from the other patrons.

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus began between spurts of laughter. "When are you going to realize just how much our children love you?" Alec smiled even wider; Magnus's yellow-green eyes always sparked with joy so immense Alec had never seen the likes of it. "You're their hero; they idolize you."

A low chuckle emitted from Alec's smiling mouth. "Oh, like you aren't their hero, too, their all-powerful dad who has taught them how to use their powers and pretty much saves the day every time they so much as get a 'boo-boo.'" Magnus leaned back in his seat and spread his hands, indicating that was indeed the case and causing Alec to shake his head in amusement.

"I wouldn't dare argue with that, Alexander, but what else were you thinking about?" As he finished speaking, butterflies began crowding his stomach at the sly smile that clothed Alec's face.

"I was simply thinking about what you could possibly have planned for when we get home. You know that I'm simply dying with anticipation. That's why you planned it; you know I can't stand surprises, that they drive me nuts." Alec was tempted to smack the smirk off of Magnus's face when he finished, but he couldn't help but adore it when the spark in his husband's eyes came back.

"You know I couldn't help it, Alec," his smile only grew, something Alec had previously thought impossible, as he continued speaking. "But if it's really killing you that badly, then we can go ahead and make our escape."

Alec's stomach began somersaulting with anticipation when Magnus gave him a none too innocent wink while he was paying their bill.  
.  
.  
.  
The majority of their apartment was ever-changing. Aside from the twins' bedroom, every other part of the space was subject to change in whatever way Magnus saw fit. So stepping into their apartment shortly after leaving the restaurant, it was not shocking to Alec that the apartment looked different than it had when they had left.

What was shocking to him was that the apartment seemed to be one big room, completely void of furniture. He paused in the doorway, attempting to comprehend what was going on.

Magnus, however, continued walking, and as he turned to face Alec, his clothes began to change. Where he had been wearing a tidy button up shirt with designer jeans, he was now dressed in an elegant suit that had obviously been tailored for him. His undershirt was a rich blue, and Alec smiled when he realized it was the exact color of his own eyes.

That's when he had the thought to look down at himself and saw that Magnus had also replaced what he had been wearing. He was also in a suit, his own undershirt a deep red.

His confusion was cleared when soft, light music began playing and Magnus extended his hand. "May I have this dance?" His voice was of a cool, smooth tone that always drove Alec mad with love.

Alec stepped forward and gently took Magnus's hand. He immediately found himself surrounded by Magnus, and he sighed with contentment at the feeling of peace that washed over him. Stepping into Magnus's arms always had that effect. He felt safe, content, overcome with joy and love, and a hoard of other emotions he couldn't quite put into words.

He leaned in and rested his head on Magnus's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the music fill his senses. For what seemed like hours, he let Magnus lead him around the room, speaking his love through their dancing. Eyes still closed, he smiled as Magnus began softly humming along with the music, a classical piece that Alec had never heard himself but that was very beautiful indeed.

Alec felt the music swell over him, and along with it came the thought of just how perfect his life with Magnus had become. That was, however, until it hit him. A sudden wave of dizziness so strong it made him nauseous. He forced Magnus to stop dancing, grabbing onto each of his hands for support, worried that if he let go he would end up on the floor.

Magnus's face was suddenly riddled with concern. "What's wrong, Alexander?" His voice was frantic. "You're terribly pale."

It was a sickeningly long moment before Alec was able to speak, confident that he would not lose the contents of his stomach as soon as he opened his mouth. "I'm extremely dizzy, Magnus. I think if I just sit for a minute I'll be fine." To his relief, the apartment immediately changed back to the way it had been when they had left that evening. Before he had time to think, Magnus had seated him on the couch.

"I should call Catarina," Magnus began, his voice was strained. "This isn't just dizziness from dancing, Alec; you look ill. She is much better equipped to heal diseases than I am. Catarina deals with the sick; I deal with the injured."

Alec tried to wave him off, giving a weak smile as he did so. "Oh Magnus, don't fret so much. I'm fine, just give me a second and I'll be good to go." Yet even as he finished speaking Alec could tell that it did little to relieve the worry in Magnus's eyes.

A few minutes later, after being brought a glass of water despite his protestation, the dizziness had faded and Alec concluded that it had just been a fleeting feeling. When he relayed so much to Magnus, he was only met with a curt nod.

He looked up, gave Magnus a sly smile, and attempted a wink of his own. "Come on, Magnus. I promise I feel absolutely fine now. Let's go ahead and call it a night. After all, the kids are gone, let's make the most of it."

He was rewarded with the first smile Magnus had given him since they had stopped dancing. "Sounds like heaven to me, Alexander," he replied, reaching out his hand to help Alec up.

As soon as Alec stood, he realized he had made a grave mistake. But it was too late to take that back, and the last thing he heard was Magnus screaming his name before he hit the ground.


	2. Book 1 Chapter 2

The past two days had gone by agonizingly slow for Magnus. He had yet to leave Alec's side where he rested in the infirmary of the Institute, and people had been in and out constantly. People he barely had the strength to deal with when something like this was happening. Isabelle and Clary had tried to convince him that he needed to go home and get some rest, but Magnus had quickly dismissed the idea, saying that he needed to be there the moment Alec woke up.

The closest he had come to being remotely happy had been when Jace had brought the twins in to see them. Yet it had taken everything he had to smile and assure them that Alec was going to be fine. They had stayed curled up in his arms for as long as possible, until Clary had come in and quietly ushered them out, saying that their dad and uncle needed some space.

Magnus knew better than to push Jace into talking, so he simply took hold of Alec's hand again and waited for whatever was going to happen. Which was all he had been doing lately, waiting.

After several minutes that were stretched further apart by the silence, Jace finally cleared his throat. "So, what has Catarina had to say on the matter?" When Magnus looked up at him, he could see that Jace's eyes gleamed with hope, as though this situation could not possibly be as grim as it currently seemed.

To his surprise, his voice was steady when he began to answer. "She didn't have very much to say, actually. She went to work this morning saying that she would be back as soon as her shift ended. She said there were a few more things she wanted to try and to look at. Not sure what that meant, but she seemed hopeful, so I will as well."

Jace's next response, however, was not at all what Magnus had been expecting. "You do realize that he can't have any mundane medicine or treatment, right?" He must have looked as startled as he felt because Jace continued. "You hadn't thought of it, had you? Well, Magnus, I must remind you that it's against the Law. No matter what is wrong with him, if he uses any form of mundane treatment, they'll strip him of his Marks."

Magnus felt as though he had suddenly lost all the breath inside of him. Of course, he had known that. He had just forgotten in the chaos of everything that was going on. Closing his eyes, he forced a deep breath through his lungs before replying. "Yes, Jace, I do know that. But Catarina will be able to take care of whatever this may be."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Jace's voice was much harder and colder than Magnus had heard it in a very long time. "Magnus," his voice softened, filling with concern. "You should go home. Go get some rest, I'll stay with Alec." He held up a hand when Magnus began to interject. "No, don't protest, please. Your children have been asking for you for two days now, Magnus. Please."

He didn't have time to answer Jace before the door opened again, this time it was Catarina, and she looked as though she meant business. "I am terribly sorry, but I need both of you out." She automatically held up her hand, knowing that they were going to begin protesting. "No, there shall not be any arguments. There are a few things I need to try, some tests I need to do, and then we will all have a talk about what is going on."

Magnus ushered Jace out the door, knowing better than anyone that there was no arguing with Catarina over this matter.  
.  
.  
.  
Although Magnus had apparently slept for hours, he still woke feeling utterly exhausted. Isabelle and Simon had forced him home, telling him to not worry about a thing, that they would take care of the twins. When he had finally pried himself from sleep, Isabelle had promptly handed him a mug of coffee and informed him that the kids were napping, with Simon of course.

After letting him know that Catarina had sent a message asking him to stay put until she either arrived or called for him, Isabelle had respectfully sat with him in silence.

He was actually enjoying the peace when Simon entered the living room, a child holding onto each hand. Magnus had never felt so glad to have them both immediately in his arms. But he had certainly not been prepared for Maggie to immediately begin crying.

"Uhm, see, well…" Simon was trying to begin speaking, but he couldn't seem to find his voice. "We kinda had an incident."

Magnus's voice came out as a sort of growl. "What kind of incident, Simon?" His eyes narrowed as he stared intently at a very nervous looking Simon.

"Well, you see. Jace called about something and I may or may not have said something along the lines of 'Jace, Alec isn't a warlock, he's not immortal' and then I may or may not have been unwilling to explain exactly what that meant to your children because they are your children, after all."

Of course, Magnus thought. Naturally I have to have this conversation with them right at this moment, of course. He sighed and looked between Simon and Isabelle. Whereas Simon looked as though he wanted nothing more than to split in half, Isabelle looked as though she wanted to be the one to split him in half.

Better get to it, was his only thought before he shifted his children, situating one on each of his legs and began to wipe the tears from Maggie's eyes. They both looked up at him with a million questions written across their faces, and Magnus forced himself to keep the emotion off of his own face as he began explaining.

"Alright you two, listen to me very carefully about this. Your father is going to be absolutely fine. What Uncle Simon was talking about is something that you're not going to have to worry about for a very, very long time."

He came close to breaking down as they both looked up at him with expressions of fear over what might happen to their father. "But, Daddy," Max's voice was crystal clear as he gazed directly at his father. "We still want to know what it means, the word that Uncle Simon used. What's gonna happen to Daddy?"

Magnus reached down to sweep the hair out of his son's eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to him any time soon, Max. I promise you that. But the word Uncle Simon used, immortal, that means someone who lives forever."

He sat still as they both began to process what he had just said. He didn't know if they were going to come to the realization that he so desperately wanted them to avoid for at least a few more years. Magnus was close to feeling as though they were simply going to accept this as a mere definition when Maggie began to dangerously flirt with the truth.

"But, Daddy?" She began, an obvious question in her tone. "Uncle Simon said that Daddy isn't immortal, so he isn't going to live forever?" Magnus simply shook his head, he couldn't find it in himself to speak the truth. Then the thing he feared most happened. "Uncle Simon also said Daddy isn't a warlock, like us. Does that mean that warlocks are immortal? That we are immortal?"

You cannot cry, Magnus. Not now; your children need you. Magnus forced himself to keep a brave face and continue this horrid conversation. "Yes, Maggie. That's exactly what that means."

He was not at all surprised when Max began frantically talking. "Wait, but Daddy, if we are all immortal and he isn't then he's going to leave us, isn't he?" That was the point at which Magnus began seriously considering murdering Simon. "Daddy, I don't want to live without him, please." Max was practically begging.

The only thing Magnus had the strength left to do was take his children in his arms once again, whispering that this was not something they needed to worry about right now. Convincing them that Alec was going to be okay, however, was not as easy a task as he might have predicted. It might have been easier if he could have convinced himself first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, I just read over this and realized that I wrote it so long ago that I didn't have two different things for the twins to call Magnus and Alec, so forgive me for the confusion. (I'm too lazy to go change it)  
> But let me know your thoughts!


	3. Book 1 Chapter 3

The rest of the day went by just as slowly as the past two had. Simon and Isabelle had switched posts with Jace and Clary, who had essentially left Magnus alone the entire day. They took care of the kids for him, leaving him alone to his thoughts. But shortly after Magnus had helped put the twins to bed, the door opened again, this time bearing Catarina and-

"Alexander?" Magnus could hear the surprise and the excitement in his own voice. As he began to all but sprint towards Alec, Catarina held up a hand and gently said, "Not too rough, Magnus. He's still a bit weak."

Even as she said it, Alec was softly sliding into his arms, and Magnus was certain that he had never before been so relieved. He leaned down, burying his face in Alec's hair, wishing beyond belief that the past few days had just been a dream. But even as he wished it, he could feel how weak Alec was now, so he led his husband to the couch, sitting beside him and not daring to let go of him in any way.

It was then that Magnus realized Alec had not spoken a word since he entered the apartment. He finally looked at Catarina, really looked, and he could see traces of fear and concern written across her face. He could tell that she was trying to keep it contained, but he knew her well enough to clearly see that something was seriously amiss.

"Catarina, what's going on? Please honestly explain this time, no more skirting around the truth, please. I'm begging you." He felt Alec gently squeeze his hand, as if asking him to calm down. Catarina sighed and took a seat of her own, looking at Magnus with terribly sad eyes. The sadness was something Magnus could hardly handle. He didn't want sympathy for whatever was happening.

"Alec is very ill, Magnus. And the problem is that I'm not entirely sure it's something that I myself can heal. He needs mundane treatment. But unless he wants to lose his Marks, that cannot happen."

Magnus stared back at her with a blank expression, trying to process what she had just explained, oblivious to the fact that Jace was getting this crushing news as well. Somehow, he found his voice, although it felt as though he were a million miles away. "What are you saying? If he doesn't get treatment, then what?"

It was clear that Catarina did not want to answer, but in the end she knew that Magnus deserved the truth as soon as she was able to give it to him. "He's got a tumor, Magnus. A brain tumor. And if it's not treated, he will definitely die."  
.  
.  
.  
The world froze around Magnus. He couldn't so much as tell if he was breathing, not that he really cared at this point. He had suspected the truth long before it left Catarina's lips. But that didn't mean it was any easier to hear or to process.

He could tell that Alec was talking to him, trying to get his attention, trying to get absolutely anything out of him, but he couldn't seem to find himself. He couldn't seem to reattach what had just broken so that he could process the world around him. That was, until he heard the sharp cry of a very angry child, Max.

"You lied!" Max was definitely screaming. "You lied, Dad! How could you?" Alec was looking back and forth between Max and Magnus, obviously in utter confusion. Before he had the time to think about anything that was going on, Magnus was on his feet, headed toward his son.

The boy didn't have time to make another comment before Magnus had swept him out of the living room and into the first room he could reach with the squirming child. Sitting on the bed before him, Magnus firmly held Max in his arms, ensuring that the child would not be going anywhere.

Once Max had calmed down enough so that he had stopped trying to escape, Magnus turned him around and made sure he was listening. "Max, listen to me very well, please." He tried to be stern, but he couldn't seem to find it in himself to do so. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to his son's.

Max couldn't help but smile as he did so, reacting to the way his father usually cheered him up, the touching of their foreheads. Magnus took a deep breath and began again. "Max, I know you're scared. We all are. But your father will be absolutely fine."

His heart sunk as his son looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. "Daddy?" His voice was soft, as though he was trying to keep from crying again. "How do you know that he will be fine? What could you possibly do other than let him have treatment and lose his marks?"

It was a moment before Magnus could answer. The problem was that he was unable at first to come up with anything that he might be capable of doing to help Alec. Max obviously sensed his hesitation because he decided to continue speaking. "It's not like you can just give whatever this is to someone else, Daddy. I just want him to be okay again."

As soon as Max had finished speaking, a grim idea lit up inside Magnus. He suddenly knew what he could do, what he had to do at all costs. The only trouble was getting Alexander to agree with the decision. The only trouble was making sure nothing went wrong, and where they were involved, things went wrong far more often than not.

His mind made, Magnus turned his attention back to his son, knowing what he had to do but not daring to let his expression betray him. "I swear to you, Max, that your father will be perfectly fine in a very short amount of time. I will never let anything happen to him. You have my word."  
.  
.  
.  
Alec was sitting on the couch, utterly confused and feeling more terrified than he ever had before. Catarina had explained to him what was going on before they had come to the apartment, but the weight of just what was going on had not hit him until he had watched Magnus rush out of the room attempting to comfort Max.

There was absolutely no way he could lose his Marks. He would not be forced to leave his Shadowhunter half of the family, not to mention breaking his bond with Jace. But dying wouldn't help the case either, and he knew that either option would completely crush Jace and Isabelle, something he couldn't bear the thought of.

Then he realized that Jace had been completely silent through the entire talk with Catarina, and looking over at him now, Alec could read his expression like a book. The fear, the pain, the confusion had swallowed any hope that had once been in Jace's eyes. So he cleared his throat and attempted to catch Jace's attention.

"Jace, please, listen to me." He kept his voice soft even though he felt like screaming. To his surprise, Jace looked over at him with questioning eyes, so Alec motioned for him to take the vacant seat on the couch.

Gently placing a hand over Jace's, Alec began speaking, carefully choosing his words. "I won't do it, Jace. I'm not going to let them break our bond. You don't have to worry about that; I promise."

Jace quickly looked up, startled. "What? No, Alec, what are you talking about?" His voice was frantic. "You cannot just give up and die. That would be a million times worse than you losing your Marks." He was turned facing Alec now, both of his hands covering Alec's. His eyes were pleading, his voice feverish yet distant.

Alec slowly shook his head, his confusion clear. "What are you saying, Jace? You'd rather me lose my Marks, lose me as your parabatai, lose me as your brother and never see me again than watch me die?"

"Yes, Alec. That is exactly what I am saying. I would rather you live, be with Magnus and raise your children. Knowing that you were alive would mean much more to me than knowing you died trying to save me from pain." His hands were shaking, and Alec took firm hold of them, trying to calm Jace down.

"I couldn't do that to you. The thought of our bond breaking makes me sick, Jace. I can't cause you that much pain. I won't. I'm sorry." Jace sighed, knowing that Alec was going to fight every inch of the way, but knowing that more than anything he needed to live.

"Alec, you must realize by now that either option is going to cause me immense pain. There's no saving me from hurt. You don't have to play the hero here. In fact, I'm begging you not to. They won't strip you of your Marks until you're healed. So take the treatment, and I'll be there ever second. Then you can go on and live the rest of your life the way you were meant to. Please."

Before Alec could reply, Magnus stepped into the room again. His face was completely void of emotion and Alec could not discern anything from it. He looked completely composed, the only thing that seemed slightly amiss was how tense he was.

"Max is back in bed," he began, his voice heavy, as though he had not slept in days. "I really need to talk to Catarina about something. It shouldn't take long, but I must ask you, Alexander, that you let me talk to her alone. I will explain everything shortly."

There was only a short pause before Alec replied. "Of course, take all the time you need. I'm going to ask Jace and Clary to kindly help me get to the Institute again. I should talk to Isabelle about this. Just come get us when you're done here."

Magnus's decision was reinforced as he watched Alec painfully struggle to his feet, leaning heavily on Jace. As soon as the door shut, he turned on Catarina, ready to begin work on what he knew would be the longest struggle of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!   
> More tomorrow!


	4. Book 1 Chapter 4

Alec was having trouble keeping himself composed, although he knew he had to. Once he began breaking down he knew he wouldn't be able to pull himself back together. Isabelle, someone he had only see cry a couple times since they had grown up, had immediately thrown herself in his arms at the news of his illness. She had buried herself in her older brother, and when she had finally pulled away, he brushed away the tears that were silently streaming down her face.

She was currently shaking her head at him, furiously disagreeing with his plan to do nothing about the tumor. "No, Alec, absolutely not. Jace is right; you can't just give up because you think that would hurt us less. Neither option is going to help us with the pain. We are just going to have to accept it."

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back in his seat, unable to accept the situation himself. A faint smile played across his lips. "You know what, Isabelle? I've always looked up to you." She looked startled, so he continued speaking without a pause. "You've always been so strong, so fierce, so sure of yourself. And I hate to ask this of you, but right now I really need that strength."

Giving him a weak smile of her own, she slipped into his arms again. "Alec, I'm always here, you should know that by now. I love you and I'm going to make sure you're perfectly fine. But you absolutely have to take the treatment. There's no other option, Alec. Not in my mind."

Alec studied her face, looking for an answer to why she was acting like he didn't have a decision. When he couldn't figure it out on his own, he decided asking her would be much simpler. "Why is that, Iz? I have a choice here, and maybe I haven't exactly figured out what I'm going to do but you and Jace seem to be wanting to take that choice away? Why is that exactly?" His tone was much harsher than he had intended it to be.

It took a moment before Isabelle was able to respond, looking as though she was using everything she had to keep her own emotions wrapped inside. "I don't know about Jace, but I can't watch you die. Not after all we've been through, but especially not after losing Max." She paused a moment, and Alec was stunned. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised, that he should have thought of this first. "I've lost one brother, Alec, I can't stand the thought of losing you too."

Isabelle stared at him with an expression that was pleading with him to simply listen to her. He tried, and failed, to imagine what his life would be like if he took the treatment and was stripped of his Marks. Life without Isabelle and Jace was impossible to imagine, no matter how happy he was with Magnus and the twins. That's when he understood that both Jace and Isabelle were under the impression that he would be perfectly happy without them once he was healed. They thought he would be fine as long as he had his husband and children, but they were utterly wrong.

"Isabelle, look. You are gravely mistaken if you think that I'd be happy without you. I realize that I'd be alive and with half of my family, and that should be enough to make me happy. But unfortunately it would not. Not in the slightest." Alec watched as Isabelle closed her eyes, as though she was trying to collect herself and her thoughts.

"Then what are you going to do?" Her voice was soft, yet it was much stronger than Alec had expected it to be. He sighed and put his head in his hands before answering.

"That's just it, Izzy. I have no idea whatsoever what I should do. I've never been so lost." Alec felt his sister's hand land softly on his shoulder, she began absently stroking her thumb back and forth, making Alec smile ever so slightly. He had his wits about him enough to realize that her comforting technique was something she had picked up from him. When they were little, he would hold her hand when she was hurt or scared and run his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand, almost exactly what she was doing to him now.

Smiling, he slipped his arm around her, finding more comfort in holding her close than if she had been holding him. They sat like that for what seemed like hours, Alec finding peace in just being with someone he loved, not daring to let himself think that things could possibly turn out okay.  
.  
.  
.  
"Magnus, wait! Please!" Catarina was just as frantic as Magnus had thought she would be. Their conversation hadn't really gone as he had planned, but he knew he had expected her to be angry. What he was planning to do wasn't the easiest thing to think about.

"Catarina, do me a favor and stay here just in case the twins wake up. I need to go let Alec know what the plan is." As he turned around, ready to leave and get on with things, Catarina caught his hand.

"Please," her voice cracked slightly. "Magnus, stop and think about this for a minute, please."

He took hold of her other hand and led her to sit down again. He kept his voice gentle and steady, not daring to show his own emotions. "I have thought about it, but I don't have time to do any more thinking. If I'm going to go through with this, you said it yourself, I need to get started as soon as possible." Seeing tears in her eyes, Magnus reached over to hug her.

"I'll be fine Catarina; I trust that you'll take care of me. Don't worry, please. But I really have to go explain things to Alexander now." She nodded as they pulled apart, wiping her eyes and finally letting him go.

Magnus almost turned around several times on his way to the Institute, but in his heart he knew he had to continue, no matter how loudly his mind was screaming at him to stop.  
.  
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Alec felt like he was almost asleep when the door began to slowly open. He sat up as Magnus entered the room, grabbing hold of Isabelle's hand as he did so. To his surprise, Magnus still looked absolutely calm, no trace of anything such as crying or any sort of breakdown at all was evident on his face. Alec sat still as he watched Magnus stride across the room and take the seat next to him.

When the silence stretched out before them too far for Alec to take, he decided to break it. "Magnus, I haven't really decided what I'm going to do yet, but I promise I'll do what I think is best for us. For the kids."

Magnus reached over and gently squeezed Alec's hand. Alec thought he could see the glimmer of a tear in Magnus's eyes which was something that he was certain he had never seen before. He immediately became concerned. Did Magnus think that he was going to just give up? Or was Magnus scared that he was going to get stripped of his Marks? Alec was still trying to decide which option he thought Magnus was most scared of, when Magnus lightly cleared his throat and began speaking.

"You don't have to decide anything, Alexander. I've made a decision of my own that will clear everything up very quickly." Alec was both confused and afraid that Magnus was going to tell him what he should decide. He was mostly afraid that what Magnus wanted would contradict what Jace and Isabelle had been telling him to do, that he would have to make a choice between one family or the other.

"You don't have to make a decision about this because you're not going to be sick for much longer. I'm going to make sure of that." Alec was thinking that Magnus might possibly just be in shock when Magnus began to clarify his plan.

"You see, warlocks cannot by nature destroy diseases. It has to do with the whole law that states that matter cannot be created or destroyed. But what warlocks can do is transfer a disease from one person to another." Magnus paused to take a deep breath, and Alec was so shocked himself that he couldn't seem to put the pieces together, couldn't see where Magnus was going with this.

Alec looked over to see Isabelle violently shaking her head. Somehow, she had come to the conclusion of this conversation much faster than Alec was sifting through it himself.

"Alexander, you may not be able to take mundane treatment for fear of losing almost everything you have. But that doesn't mean that I can't. I've decided that I'm going to have Catarina transfer this tumor to me, and first thing next week I will begin treatment for it." Alec felt the blood draining from his face, felt himself going pale. He tried to take a deep breath, and when he exhaled he felt a tear slowly flow down his face. Alec couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, but all he knew was that Magnus was going to risk his life in order to spare him pain. He was so far in shock when Magnus began speaking again he barely heard the rest of what was said.

"I love you too much to either lose you or let you lose the people you love. You wouldn't be happy without them, even if it meant staying with me. So I'm going to take this from you, and I'm sorry, but you have no say in this." Magnus reached over to wipe the tear off of Alec's face and gave him a weak smile. Alec could finally read the emotion on Magnus's face. Seeing the combination of love, fear, and hope was enough to cause more tears to fall down Alec's face.

"I promised Max that I would not let anything happen to you. I intend to keep my word. This will be taken from you early tomorrow morning."


	5. Book 1 Chapter 5

Exhaustion overcame Alec as he walked into the hospital. It had been three days since they had found out about his tumor and Magnus had decided to take it on himself. True to his word, Magnus had let no amount of argument or protestation on Alec's part change his decision. There had been plenty of fighting, plenty of tears, yet nothing would cause Magnus to budge.

Neither of them had slept that night; they had returned home and once Alec had calmed down they had stayed wrapped up together on the couch until the sun came up again. Their conversations had consisted of Alec asking Magnus to reconsider, asking if there were any other options and Magnus gently explaining over and over that this was the only thing he knew to do.

First thing in the morning, Catarina had arrived once again, this time with Tessa and Brother Zachariah, who now wished for everyone to call him James again, close behind. To Alec's surprise, he was the only one fighting Magnus every second up to the very end. He guessed this was because the others knew that Magnus was not going to give in once his mind was made up, and even though Alec knew this, he couldn't seem to give up the hope that he could somehow change the situation.

Shortly after the switch had been made, the longest conversation of his life had ensued. Explaining the situation to the twins had been much harder than he had expected it to be. Somehow, he had managed to keep himself together, regaining his usual stoic composure and keeping a firm hold on it.

The two days after that had gone by in a blur, and now Alec was making his way through the hospital to Magnus's room. He had spent the better part of the day talking to Catarina about the treatment process and exactly what was going to happen. Then he had gone home to get a few things and he was now back, trying to prepare himself for Magnus's first round of treatment.

Catarina had explained that they were simply going to keep Magnus overnight this once, to make sure he didn't react badly to the drugs. She had called his treatment, chemo, something apparently pretty common in the mundane treatment of tumors. Alec had tried to listen to her explaining the cycles of treatment Magnus would go through as well as the side effects but he couldn't seem to focus on anything other than how scared he was.

His inability to focus was not helped when Catarina had explained that she had no idea why he had gotten sick in the first place. Shadowhunters rarely got sick, and when they did it generally amounted to nothing more than the common cold. Cancer, something far too common in the mundane world, was something extremely rare to the Shadowhunters, and she was unable to come up with an explanation for it.

Opening the door to Magnus's room, Alec began the process of mentally preparing himself to keep his composure perfect through the entire night.  
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Waiting on Alec to return and his treatment to begin, Magnus had not been able to keep himself from replaying the past two days over and over in his mind. The worst part had not been Alec's reaction; he had thoroughly prepared himself for that. It hadn't even been the conversation with the twins that was the worst.

The nightmare had truly begun with the conversation he had with Tessa. When she had entered with Catarina the morning of the switch, she had been visibly angry, something Magnus had completely expected. They were all angry, he knew and accepted this.

When he had asked to have a moment alone with her, she had all but exploded on them, and it took Magnus an agonizingly long time to realize why.

"You promised me, Magnus," Tessa's voice had been eerily calm as she finally began to drive her point home. "When William died you promised me that you would be here, that you would be the one person I could always go to. Forever." It was then that he had finally realized exactly what she was talking about. When she had lost Will, Magnus had promised her that no matter how many people she lost, no matter how much time passed between them, he would always be there for her.

This hit him when she began speaking again. "Magnus, I'm terribly sorry that I've yelled at you. I'm terribly sorry that I'm so angry. I'm just also terribly scared that you're leaving me just like everyone else. Now that James is mortal again, I'm going to lose him too. And the thought of losing both of you is too awful to bear."

To Magnus's utmost relief, she hadn't cried and once the yelling had stopped, she had been relatively calm, much calmer than Magnus felt himself. She had allowed him to explain exactly why he was doing this, and Tessa had listened wholeheartedly as he went through every reason he had ever come up with, including some of the more selfish reasons for needing to keep Alec alive. Reasons such as the fact that he felt he could never raise the twins on his own. Reasons and thoughts he could hardly bear to think.

Magnus looked up as Alec finally entered the room, and he couldn't help but smiling. He immediately felt more relaxed, safer, with Alec near him once again. His smile disappeared, however, when Catarina followed Alec into the room, bearing the medical equipment he'd come to think of as his torture devices.

Alec bent over to kiss Magnus's forehead before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Are you ready?" His voice was soft, and Magnus could tell that he was trying to keep it void of emotion.

Gently squeezing Alec's hand, Magnus tried to force a slight smile, but he couldn't find it in himself. "I'm ready as I'll ever be. Let's just go ahead and get to it, shall we?"  
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The first treatment was relatively uneventful; minus the usual nausea, Magnus had come through it relatively well. Over the next few weeks, Catarina had remained entirely optimistic about the situation as Magnus seemed to be doing extremely well. Throughout the first cycle of treatment, there had been a minimum of tears. Most of those shed had come from the twins, and Alec couldn't blame them. He himself had spent countless hours holding back his own tears, telling himself he couldn't cry until he was completely alone.

A few weeks into the process, Alec had begun to let himself think ever so slightly that things might possibly turn out just fine. He had not dared to let himself believe that they would get through it in any sort of peace. But he had let himself relax, even if it was only marginally.

Then, three weeks after his first does of treatment, Magnus's hair had begun to fall out, something they'd both been fully prepared for, or so Alec thought. They had talked about it in the beginning of the process. They had made an agreement that as soon as the first clump of hair fell out, Magnus would let Alec go ahead and shave his head. That way, the transition wouldn't be slow and painful.

"Oh God, Alexander," had been Magnus's first reaction, quickly followed by a fit of tears that Alec couldn't hope hinder in any way. For over an hour, he had held Magnus as tightly as he had held back his own tears, his own emotions. Alec had finally somehow convinced Magnus to keep his word, although he had been reduced to tears once again after the shaving of his head.

Alec's next few days had consisted of trying everything he could to convince Magnus that the loss of his hair in no way hindered how attractive he was. No matter what Alec said, Magnus would not let himself believe that his husband could possibly find him attractive in any way. The real event, however, had begun after one of their longest talks about the hair loss situation.

"Daddy, can I ask you something?" Max looked at Alec with a questioning gaze. He had just been put to bed, but Alec got the feeling that there wouldn't be any sleep for a while.

"Of course, Max. You can ask me anything, you know that." He kept his voice steady, something that was becoming increasingly easy as the days wore on, a side effect of all the practice he was getting.

What Max asked next shocked Alec more than almost anything that had happened lately. "Why does Daddy think he's ugly?" Looking down at his son, Alec couldn't seem to form anything other than a lump in his throat. How was he supposed to explain something like this to a child? How was he supposed to explain something he barely understood himself? The longer he tried to form an answer, the more frustrated he got. Max seemed to sense this and began speaking again.

"Daddy, I want to ask you for a favor." All Alec had the courage to do was nod, knowing that if he opened his mouth, his composure would immediately leave him. "When Daddy goes to sleep tonight I want you to shave my head, too. That way he won't feel alone anymore." That's when Alec couldn't seem to breathe any longer, much less hold himself together.

At the first sign of a tear on Alec's face, Max quickly began speaking again. "No, Daddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry. Just forget it, it was a stupid idea. I just thought that it might make him feel better. I just want you both to be happy."

All Alec could do was gather his son in his arms and hold him tightly for a moment before getting up to take him to the bathroom. Max nodded furiously when asked if he was sure that he wanted to shave his head, and with tears continuing to stream down his face, Alec turned the razor on and began the process.

Max had slept in their bed that night; after Magnus had woken up to the sound of the razor he had been unable to stop hugging his son long enough to let him go back to his own bed. Alec fell asleep holding his son's hand, wondering just when Max had become someone he looked up to, someone who's character Alec began to try to embody every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! I know this story is heart wrenching, but I love hearing from you guys! You're all the reason I keep writing!


	6. Book 1 Chapter 6

The days had begun to fly by much faster than Alec had expected. He fell into two simple routines, and, if he was being completely honest with himself, he let the routines become his life so they would keep him from slipping so easily into reality. He still found himself unable to relax about the entire situation, something Magnus himself seemed to be doing just fine. Alec was glad that Magnus was relaxed, the less stress the better, but he couldn't seem to shake the sinking feeling that they were just waiting for the rest of the storm to show.

On treatment days, they got up early and immediately took the twins to the Institute. Alec had learned to make sure the twins had breakfast at the Institute, as the smell of food usually made Magnus nauseous, especially in the middle of a treatment cycle. They spent the morning at the hospital, and then Alec would spend the afternoon doing everything he could to make Magnus comfortable and to keep him from getting sick. And Magnus would spend the afternoon asking Alec to stop hovering and just relax for a moment.

When Magnus didn't have treatment, they would start the day by going for a walk if Magnus felt well enough, something Catarina said would help with energy and stamina. After that, Alec generally let Magnus decide what they would do. Sometimes he would want to take the twins out, sometimes he chose to stay home and relax all day. The only trouble came when Magnus was too sick to do anything at all. Alec would generally call Isabelle or Jace to watch the twins, then he would spend the day reading while Magnus slept.

They fell into an easy routine, and Alec felt himself relaxing into it, finally feeling as though things would work out, even if he was a bit reluctant about feeling that way.  
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Today, they had decided to spend the day with everyone together and had gone to Luke and Jocelyn's farm. Both Magnus and Alec were currently shaking with laughter as they sat by the lake, listening to the twins squeal as they were chased by Simon and Jace.

"Alexander?" The smile was evident in Magnus's voice, even though Alec wasn't looking at him. His head was in Alec's lap, eyes closed. "When did we become so lucky?"

Alec cracked a smile of his own. "I actually know the exact moment we became this lucky, Magnus." At that, Magnus sat up and turned to face Alec, the question obvious in his eyes. "Well, actually, I would say several moments have added together to make us this lucky. And I happen to know every single one of them."

Magnus spread his hands apart, smiling wider than it seemed he had since his treatment had started. "Go ahead, enlighten me then. I would absolutely love to know."

"Well," Alec's eyes lit up as he began to speak. "I am certain that the moment our luck began to accumulate was the moment you opened the door to your apartment the night we brought Clary to your party. After that moments such as you pulling me in for a kiss after agreeing to go out with me, our infamous kiss after Clary revealed her partner rune, the day we said 'I do', and the day we rescued the twins all added to the amount of luck we've been given. And those are just off the top of my head."

As soon as Alec finished speaking, he found himself in Magnus's arms. He slipped easily into Magnus's kiss, feeling like they finally fit together again for the first time in months. Soon, he was smiling too much for Magnus to properly kiss him any longer, and Magnus began laughing too much to even try.

Deciding to give up on any real kissing, Magnus turned back around and melted into Alec's arms. "Oh, Alexander, you cannot forget when you finally figured out that I loved you. You know, in Alicante, when you so idiotically asked why I'd never called you back." Alec chuckled and Magnus could tell he was shaking his head.

"Oh how could I possibly forget that one?" The smile, the happiness was clear in Alec's voice. Magnus's own smile, however, faded slightly when Alec began speaking again. "Magnus?" His voice was soft, but Magnus could tell he was keeping it tightly held together.

"What is it, darling?" Magnus tried to keep his own voice void of emotion. Lately, he had been trying to convince himself that not everything was a disaster related to his tumor. He had overreacted far too many times, become far too paranoid. He tried telling himself that not every drop in happiness was due to his illness. He failed.

"What happens if I lose you?" Alec quickly continued speaking before Magnus could interject, tightening his arms around Magnus. "Don't say anything until I'm finished, please. I simply meant, we've always only ever thought of you losing me. You must understand that recently I haven't been able to keep myself from thinking of what might happen if I lose you." He paused, and Magnus simply waited it out in silence. He could tell that Alec wasn't done, so he also refrained from turning toward him again, knowing that Alec's composure was barely in place at the moment.

"And to think, we spent all that time arguing over your immortality." Alec's voice began to crack at the very end, and Magnus gently removed himself from Alec's hold, turning to look him in the eyes.

"No." His voice was much sharper than he had intended it to be. He forced himself to soften his tone when he continued. "Do not do this to yourself, Alexander. We aren't going to think like that right now. Catarina hasn't hinted that anything is out of the ordinary." Taking Alec's face gently in both of his hands, Magnus took a deep breath and plunged into a promise he was only partly sure he could keep.

"I swear to you, Alexander that I will fight every second of every day to stay with you. I will not be taken down so easily. It's insulting really, that you think something so small as a tumor will be the end of me. So stop worrying, and trust me when I say that I am not leaving you. Not now, not ever." Alec forced a slight smile across his lips, nodding and giving Magnus a quick kiss before resting his head on Magnus's shoulder.

"Now, what do you say we go find the twins, rescue them from the torture of their uncles, and go for a walk? This life is far too short, immortal or otherwise, to spend it dwelling on what the future might hold."

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Why are we always the ones in situations like this? Alec thought as he sat beside Magnus's hospital bed a week later. He immediately scolded himself for the thought, remembering their conversation at the farm about how lucky they were, but he couldn't help but feeling that way every time Magnus had to go for more chemo. His thoughts were the worst the sicker Magnus got, especially when he was throwing up from the treatment or so tired he could hardly respond to anyone.

Magnus was currently throwing up, something that had become far too common to them both. But when the fit didn't stop, when Magnus continued violently coughing even after he had nothing left to throw up, that was when Alec became concerned.

He stood, ready to go retrieve Catarina, but Magnus caught his hand. "No," he tried speaking between coughs. "I'm fine, really. Just – give me a minute." Alec reluctantly stood still by the bed, absently brushing his thumb across the back of Magnus's hand.

The coughing subsided and Alec handed Magnus a glass of water, but he was spared fighting with Magnus over what needed to be done when Catarina entered the room. She looked tired, as she most always did, especially when she was at work. But there was something else that caused Alec some concern.

She looked more than tired, she looked utterly tense. Alec could hardly pinpoint exactly how she looked, until it hit him that Catarina looked exactly the way he felt. She looked as though it took everything she had to keep her composure.

"Alec," her voice was surprisingly strong, but the warning in her tone was clear. She was daring him to argue with her. "I am terribly sorry, but I need a moment alone with Magnus. I will talk to you about several things at a later time, but I need to talk to him right this moment, so if you'll excuse us."

Alec simply nodded and exited the room, deciding to take a walk outside and clear his mind before going back in.

Their talk had taken much longer than Magnus had expected. As soon as Alec was out of sight, the strings seemed to break, and Catarina lost her composure. Their conversation had become highly emotional, and in the end, Magnus had become scarily calm.

As Catarina stood to ask Alec back into the room, Magnus spoke up. "Catarina, I need you to do something for me, please." She turned where she stood and simply nodded at him. "Let me be the one to talk to Alec about this. I want to make the decision with him. So I should be the one to let him know there is a decision to be made."

Without saying another word, Catarina quickly turned on her heels and exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you guys are feeling about this story! Hope you're still enjoying it, even if it does hurt!


	7. Book 1 Chapter 7

"Magnus?" Alec tried to keep his voice calm. No one had ever bothered to explain the mysterious conversation between Magnus and Catarina, and all had been extremely calm for days. Now Magnus had transformed their apartment back into a dance floor, just as it had been the night Alec had passed out from the tumor.

Before Alec could ask another question, Magnus placed a finger on his lips as he held out his other hand. Alec sighed and gave in, stepping over to dance with Magnus once again. This time, Alec didn't dare close his eyes, wanting to take in every moment, wanting to be aware of everything going on between them. He wasn't aware that he was crying until Magnus bent down and kissed a tear off his face.

They danced for what seemed like mere minutes to Alec before Magnus stopped and began changing the apartment back. Once they were seated on the couch, Magnus began the conversation. Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he knew in his heart that he would never be any more prepared for it.

"Alexander, darling. I did that because I simply wanted one more romantic moment with you. If I could stop time in that moment, I would. But I cannot, nor can I stop this conversation from happening." Alec stared at him, looking too shocked to form any sort of comment.

"I know you've been all but worrying yourself sick over my conversation with Catarina, and I'm sorry for that, but I needed some time to collect my own thoughts before I brought everything down on you." Magnus reached over to take hold of Alec's hands, and it was obvious that his own hands were shaking. Alec gently squeezed them, and Magnus softly smiled. Yet he couldn't seem to hold Alec's gaze any longer, and when he looked down at their hands, Alec saw a tear appear in his eyes.

"Magnus," Alec's voice was barely above a whisper. "You're scaring me. What's going on?"

Magnus cleared his throat and met Alec's eyes once again. "Catarina has informed me that there is nothing more she can do for me. No amount of magic or medicine can help me now. I have officially been deemed terminal."  
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Alec was no longer aware of anything Magnus was saying or of anything at all it seemed. His months of carefully maintained composure around Magnus came crashing down. He felt his hands reach up to cover his mouth, he felt Magnus's arms around him. He felt himself melt, he felt himself let go.

Impossibly, he registered what Magnus was saying next. "Alexander, please." His voice was drowning in sorrow of his own, and he buried his face in Alec's hair as he continued speaking. "I know this isn't fair. This is complete bullshit. All of it. But I –" his voice broke and Alec wrapped his arms around him, as though hoping he could make Magnus whole again. It was as though he could feel Magnus breaking, and in the moment he would have given anything to be able to put his arms around Magnus and keep the pieces glued together. "I really need you to be the strong one right now. I'm so sorry."

Hearing the desperation in Magnus's voice, Alec lifted his eyes to Magnus's again. Seeing the pain, the fear on Magnus's face, Alec immediately began to compose himself, and once Magnus realized this, it was his turn to fully break down. He collapsed into Alec, burying his face in Alec's lap this time, violently releasing all the tears he had been keeping inside.

They sat that way for hours, the only noise in the apartment being that of Magnus's muffled sobbing and Alec's occasional "I love you."  
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That day, neither Magnus nor Alec answered the numerous phone calls or texts they received. By the end of it, Alec has gotten somewhere around 40 texts, and they had both refrained from answering the door even when Jace began yelling.

They had only begun the conversation again when Alec suddenly realized that he was terribly angry. "You promised me." His voice had barely been audible, and Magnus had looked to him in confusion. "You swore to me that you would fight. And now you're just going to give up?"

Magnus was stunned, but he quickly formed a response. "Well, Alec. I do have another choice to make. Catarina says that I can either continue the treatment, in the hopes that something might give. Or I can stop and focus on becoming comfortable – until the end." He could feel the lump in his throat, he could feel how heavy his heart had become.

Magnus flinched away as Alec responded, he was practically screaming, and Magnus could tell that it was taking all of his control to not run out of the apartment altogether. "There has to be something else! There has to be. There's something we can do about it. I'm not giving up. We can't give up. Magnus, please don't give up. Please." Tears began streaming down Magnus's face once again as he heard the desperation in Alec's voice.

Slowly shaking his head, Magnus tried to let Alec down gently, hoping that Alec would simply accept the inevitable. "Please, Alec. I'm so tired. I don't want this to happen any more than you do. But there is nothing else we can do. We've tried everything."

Alec was spared responding when there was a sharp knock on the door for the second time that day. This time, however, the voice that accompanied it was not yelling, and it was not Jace. "Alec, Magnus, please let me in." It was Isabelle, her voice soft and gentle. "Everyone is so worried about you both. Just let me in; I want to help."

Throwing the door open, Alec turned on his sister this time. "Didn't you hear, Isabelle? There isn't anything we can do. You can't help us. No one can. So why don't you spare me the pity party you've come to provide and just get the hell out of here?" His voice was terribly sharp, the cruelty he was throwing at her obvious even in his body language, and Isabelle tried to remind herself that Alec was in pain.

"Alexander!" Magnus gasped, clearly shocked that Alec would treat her that way, no matter how much pain he was in. "She loves you. She's just trying to comfort you please don't do this."

"Comfort?" Alec was staring at Magnus now, his pain evident even in the way he was standing. "How can you possibly think that anyone in this world could comfort me now? You must be insane if you think I'll ever find comfort again. I won't, Magnus. Ever."

There was such a finality to his words that Magnus closed his eyes, willing this to be a nightmare, willing everything to simply disappear. He opened his mouth to reply, but Alec beat him to it. "Don't. Save yourself the breath Magnus. I'm not giving up." As he turned to exit the apartment, Magnus stopped him.

"Where are you going, Alexander? What do you think you could possibly do that Catarina hasn't already tried?"

"If Isabelle will kindly stay here with you, I am going to go see someone who is more powerful than you and Catarina combined," Alec replied without turning around. His voice was set, and Magnus had the sinking feeling that no matter how terrible of an idea this was, there was no convincing Alec to stop.

The feeling of doom continually growing, Magnus forced himself to ask the next question. "Who?"

Alec paused a moment before finally answering, before finally confirming Magnus's worst fears. "Your father."  
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Finding a warlock had not been the problem, finding a warlock who was willing to help him summon Asmodeus, a Prince of Hell, had been the problem. Eventually, Alec had found one just young enough, just dumb enough, to help him do so.

"What are you saying?" Asmodeus's voice was as cool as it had ever been, as though he were perpetually bored with the universe. He was currently examining his fingernails, as he was in the form of a man, the way Alec had seen him once before.

"You're not listening to me! I told you exactly what I needed!" Alec's voice came out a bit louder than he had intended it to, and Asmodeus wiggled a finger at him, an evil smile playing across his face.

"Now, now little Shadowhunter. Don't get snappy with me. You and I both know that this pentagram will not hold me, although I doubt you told your hired hand that little fact." Alec quickly pushed the guilt away, beyond caring what happened to him any longer. He turned just in time to see the warlock he'd hired running away. Good thing he didn't actually need anything after the summoning.

"You didn't have to do that, you know. He wasn't in any danger. Neither am I." Asmodeus raised an eyebrow, still looking down at his hands. He was daring Alec to speak against him, trying to get him to back down, but Alec held his ground.

Before he could speak again, Asmodeus finally resumed in his same, uninterested voice. "Let me see if I've got this correct then. You had a tumor, and my son was idiotic enough to take it from you because he claims he loves you. Now he's going to die from it; seems to me he's dying from the unfortunate condition of loving you. Love sick, if you ask me. But you want me to heal him? Ha." Alec winced as Asmodeus laughed. "You humor me, Lightwood. Why should I ever do such a thing?"

Alec squared his shoulders and pushed himself further into the nightmare that he knew Magnus would have killed him over. "You should heal him because I will give you whatever you want in return."

Asmodeus looked up from his nails at that, and Alec felt an insane rush of pride at getting the demon to become interested in anything at all. "Is that so?" His voice was still the same as ever, but Alec could see the gleam of intrigue in his eyes. "You're making an awfully dangerous promise there, Shadowhunter."

Nodding, Alec kept his voice steady as he answered. "I know how you work. I was aware of that before I summoned you. Either help me or don't, but I have nothing left to lose."

The smirk on Asmodeus's face only widened. "Oh dear, I wouldn't say nothing. One rarely has nothing left to lose, unless one makes to many deals with the devil, that is."

Alec felt his stomach drop. Was he making the wrong decision? Could he possibly have finally gotten way too far over his head? Asmodeus seemed to sense his hesitation and continued, smirk still in place. "I'll tell you what. I'll make a special deal with you. Something I've never done before. Because you're my son-in-law," he chuckled when Alec flinched at the term. "Because you're family, I will first tell you what I want in return. Then, you can have a couple of days to think it over. If you say no, I will leave you alone. You have my word."

Swallowing everything he had ever been taught, throwing all caution to the wind, desperate for absolutely any sign of hope, Alec answered, "Fine. What are your terms?"

Chuckling once again, Asmodeus delivered the punch, knowing that the situation was fully in his hands. "You and I both know that the only reason I am currently still in this pentagram is because of that silly rune Clarissa gave you mere hours ago. If it weren't for her, I would be out in this world already, administering as much destruction and pain as possible."

He paused, giving Alec time to incline his head, indicating that Asmodeus was not wrong. He had gone to Clary immediately, asking for a way to keep Asmodeus bound in the pentagram, a way to ensure that he would not be released back onto Earth. Magnus had once been painfully clear as to what would happen if his father ever set foot on Earth again. The thought had given Alec some of his first nightmares since childhood.

"I will heal Magnus, no tricks, no deception, and immortality fully intact, you have my word on that. But what I want from you, Lightwood, is my freedom. Release me back into this world once again, and I will do whatever you wish."


	8. Book 1 Chapter 8

Alec took the scenic route on his way home, his dread deepening with every step. He knew without a doubt that he shouldn't be even remotely considering the offer. How many innocent lives would be lost, how many innocent people would be tortured in every way possible if Asmodeus was given his freedom once again? Alec immediately scolded himself after thinking that Magnus would have never been alive in the first place if Asmodeus had never set foot on Earth. Yet, how could he justify his personal happiness in exchange for the lives of countless others?

He knew there was no way he should be able to, yet somehow he couldn't help but thinking that this was his chance, the glimmer of hope that he'd been looking for since day one. It was astonishingly absurd, and no matter how much he wanted to think otherwise, Alec knew he had to take the situation to Magnus. He was putting this off, however, for as long as possible, as he was currently walking around a park situated close to the Institute.

"Are you completely and utterly insane?" Alec jerked out of his own thoughts when he heard an irate voice behind him. To his surprise, it was Jace, looking as though he were going to murder him. Alec was too shocked to say anything at all, but as always, Jace was quick to kill the silence. "I followed you, you know. I heard what you were saying to Clary, and at first I thought she was going to be smart enough to tell you no. But when she wasn't, I just followed you."

It was Alec's turn to be furious. "You did what? You've never done anything like that before, Jace. Do you suddenly not trust me or something?" Jace's stare was ice cold; his voice wasn't much warmer when he answered.

"What if something had gone wrong? What would you have done if Asmodeus had somehow gotten out of the pentagram?" He raised his eyebrow at Alec, as if daring him to fight back.

Alec, however, was fully prepared to fight. He was so crushed, so hurt anyways, that the thought of fighting with someone he loved seemed like a welcome distraction. "Even if he had, what the hell would you have been able to do? It's not like either of us could have taken him down. It's not like I really cared one way or the other anyway."

Jace looked as though he wanted to strangle Alec. "What is this really about, Alexander? What-" he never finished his question, as Alec cut him off.

"No. Do not call me that." The shock was clear on Jace's face, something pretty rare for him. Even when he was shocked, he was usually able cover it up.

"Why?" Jace's voice was much gentler than it had been before. Alec could hardly stand the sympathy he heard, even in that one word.

"Because-" Alec's voice cracked, and he pulled away when Jace reached out a hand. "Because that's what Magnus calls me. Only Magnus." That's when Alec felt the dam break. His world was crashing down around him, and now he was crashing down just as quickly. Tears began to fall again as he felt Jace's had land softly on his shoulder.

Jace kept his voice light, "Alec? Please talk to me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

All the pain Alec had accumulated over the past few months became too much to bear. He felt like he was slipping, like there was no way he could hold on any longer. So he reached out to one of the only things that had ever been able to hold him up. Jace.

Initially, Jace tensed as he suddenly found Alec in his arms, but he immediately wrapped himself around Alec as tightly as possible. If Alec was so upset that he was uncontrollably emotional, then he was not simply upset, he was shattered. Jace searched for something to say, anything to help ease Alec's pain, but in the end he knew that nothing would ever be able to do that. But he tried. Because seeing Alec in pain was something that nearly physically hurt Jace as well.

"Alec, listen to me please. I know you're scared, hurt, angry, broken. But I will always be here for you. If you lose Magnus, you will still have me. And it may take you years to feel like yourself again, but I will be here by your side every single second of every single day." He paused, suddenly overcome by his own emotions. Suddenly unable to breath, but he forced himself to continue, knowing that Alec needed him more than anything.

"I know that doesn't help with the pain you're feeling right this moment. I'm terribly sorry that I can't be of more help. Watching you hurt this way makes me feel completely useless. But you really have to stop and think about this whole Asmodeus thing." He stopped mid speech as Alec looked up at him. He felt pain in his gut as he saw the desperation in Alec's eyes. Knowing there was nothing he could do for his brother, for his parabatai, was the worst feeling he had ever experienced. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain Alec was feeling.

Jace had to force himself to stay composed at what Alec said next. "I feel like I'm breaking, Jace. I feel like I'm being crushed on all sides, and there's no escape this time. I'm losing everything and I just have to sit by and watch while it happens. I'm not strong enough to just sit here and take it."

As Alec leaned forward again and placed his forehead on Jace's shoulder, Jace began speaking, his voice suddenly hard again. "No. You are most definitely not losing everything. If you don't count Izzy, Simon, Clary, and I, then at the very least count your children as something you will always have." Jace put his hands on both of Alec's shoulders and pulled him up. "Now look at me and listen very carefully, please."

He paused a moment, ensuring that Alec wasn't going to break down again. "You are absolutely the strongest person I've ever met. Ever. I know that this is all but killing you. But trust me when I say that you can get through it. It might not feel like it right now, but I've seen you go to Hell and back." He was surprised when Alec chuckled. "Yeah, literally. So don't ever doubt yourself. I believe you can do this, and I'm here to hold you up when you can't stand it any longer."  
.  
.  
.  
The room was completely silent as Alec finished telling everyone what he had done, what Asmodeus had asked for. No one seemed to want to break the tension. Alec was sitting with his knees brought to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his legs, as though attempting to hold himself together. Jace stood behind him, a hand gently laid on Alec's shoulder. Simon, who was situated between Clary and Isabelle, looked highly uncomfortable, as he always did when Asmodeus was mentioned.

Everyone in the room was surprised when Magnus was the first to speak. "I truly appreciate everyone's support, but I would like to have a moment alone with Alexander." All eyes turned to Alec, and he simply nodded, afraid of what would happen if he tried to speak. Jace squeezed his shoulder before ushering everyone out the door.

Magnus sat staring at Alec for what seemed like ages, as though he was trying to figure out exactly who the man before him was. Alec's eyes stayed trained on the floor, he couldn't bring himself to look at Magnus, the thought of losing him too much to handle.

"Tell me, Alexander, since when have you done things like this? Since when have you gone and not only put yourself, but also tons of innocent people in danger, just because you yourself were in pain?" Magnus's voice sounded cool, and Alec flinched at the thought that it sounded eerily like his father's.

He wanted to say something sensible, something to justify his actions, but what came out of his mouth fell far from the mark. "I need you, Magnus." Pausing to wipe away a tear, Alec brought himself to look at his husband for the first time since entering the room. "You don't seem to understand just how much I love you. The thought of living without you is a thought I cannot stand. I just wanted to go to someone who could help me."

Magnus began shaking his head, and Alec was pained to see the fury on his face. "No, Alexander. You were being selfish." He held up a hand when Alec began to speak. "No, I do not want to hear it. I want more than anything to live until the end of your days at the very least. The thought of death does not scare me. It is the thought of leaving you that plagues my dreams at night. From the very beginning I had thought of going to my father for help. But what held me back was not the price I would have to pay." His eyes became dark and cold as he finished speaking. "What stopped me was the price I was sure others would have to pay."

Alec couldn't hold himself back any longer. "Magnus, please. I know what I did was wrong, but I can't lose you. I cannot live without you. And I'm sorry, but your father's freedom seems like such a small price to pay for your life. For us."

Magnus dragged his eyes away from Alec, looking as though he was disgusted by what Alec had said. "How can you possibly be so selfish, Alexander? You have always been so selfless. It was one of the things that made me fall in love with you. I have lived a long life, but what you just said was without a doubt the most selfish thing I have ever heard anyone utter."

Rising from his own seat, Magnus quickly came to stand in front of Alec, bending down until they were eye to eye. "You cannot take this deal. I will not be responsible for my father's release into this world. And if the Clave were to ever find out about any of this, you would be stripped of your Marks faster than you could say 'please.'"

Alec, however, was not ready to give up so easily. "No, Magnus. Please let me do this. I won't be able to stand life without you. I've never felt as complete as I do when I'm with you. You made my world brighter from the moment you set foot into it. I can't do this without you. I'm begging you to let me do this."

Standing up once again, Magnus gave the final word on the matter. "Listen to me very carefully, Alexander. As much as it pains me, I mean every word of what I am about to say." He closed his eyes, as though what he had left to say was breaking his heart. "If you accept my father's offer, you and I will be divorced before you can set foot back in this apartment."  
.  
.  
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Asmodeus's smile made Alec want to either throw up, or stab him. Preferably both. Alec could hear the amusement and excitement on his voice when he began speaking.

"So, my darling son-in-law, have you made your decision?" Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. He knew what he had to do. He knew that he only had one real option in this situation, no matter how scared he was of it.

He inclined his head just enough to be visible. Leaving his eyes on the ground, unable to look at the monster before him, he plunged into the worst moment of his life. "Yes," he said, voice barely audible. "I have made up my mind."


	9. Book 1 Chapter 9

Alec sat on the ground, arms wrapped around himself, numbly staring straight ahead. At Magnus's tombstone. He had never felt so alone. Not that he was feeling much of anything at all lately. He had felt little more than a numb emptiness since Magnus's death a few weeks ago. The pain, the grief, the anger, the self-hatred had yet to make their appearances, but he knew they were on their way.

He had visited Magnus every day, as if that would somehow fill the hole in his heart. He'd spent weeks feeling as though he needed to catch his breath, weeks being unable to do so. Jace and Clary had essentially taken charge of the twins without being asked. Maggie and Max, however, had become the one thing that was keeping him from drowning in sorrow. They had begun sneaking into his room at night when they thought he was asleep and crawling into bed with him.

When Jace asked them why they were doing so, Alec had heard Maggie answer, "To keep an eye on Daddy. He's been really sad lately, and we just want to make sure he's okay." The day after that, Max had asked to visit Magnus as well.

Alec stood and watched as Max immediately sat beside of Magnus's tombstone and began talking as if his father were right beside him. "Hi, Daddy. I really miss you, but Aunt Isabelle said that it's okay to miss you and be a little sad." He paused as he turned back to look up at Alec, who took a deep breath and went to sit beside his son. Max smiled when he did, and began talking to Magnus again.

"You'd be really proud of Daddy. I know I am. He's been so strong even though I know he misses you more than he lets us see." He turned around and grabbed hold of Alec's hand, giving it a squeeze, as if he was able to understand just how much these words meant to Alec. "When you told me that Daddy should be my hero, I didn't really understand why, but now I do. And you were right; he's always going to be my biggest hero. Both of you are. No matter how far away you get from me."

Now Alec was sitting here alone, reliving what Max had said over and over, only vaguely aware of the fact that he was crying. He was just wiping a tear away when he heard a soft voice behind him.

"Can I join you?" He looked up to see Clary flashing him a weak smile, and he simply nodded, knowing she was here under good intentions.

She sat down beside him and looped her arm through his, and he was oddly touched at the display of affection. Alec leaned over slightly and rested his cheek on her head. They sat like that for a long time, Alec staring at Magnus's tombstone, Clary trying her best to not cry, knowing that Alec needed someone.

When she finally broke the silence, her voice was much stronger than she had expected it to be. "Are you okay, Alec? I mean, I know you're hurting, that's to be expected. But are you really okay?" When he looked down at her, Alec could see the concern, the love in her eyes. He smiled at her, not a huge smile, but a genuine one nonetheless, and she looked slightly surprised at it.

"Yeah, Clary. I'll be fine eventually. Even though it feels like I've lost everything, I haven't really, have I? I've still got this amazing family right by my side." Alec's smile widened when Clary began nodding enthusiastically. "Jace didn't ask you to come here, did he?"

It was Clary's turn to smile before she answered. "No, Alec, he didn't. He'd actually probably be angry if he knew I had come here. He'd tell me you need alone time and blah blah. No, I came here because I know you need someone right now and because I love you. You're the brother I never had."

At that, Alec couldn't help but pull her in for a one-sided hug. "That means more than you know, Clary." His voice was much stronger than it had been in days, and Clary could hear the love in it. She knew she shouldn't ask the question that was hanging on her lips, but her curiosity got the better of her.

"Alec? What were you thinking about before I walked over? You looked really deep in thought." Alec's smile turned from one of love and happiness to one full of sadness and grief.

"I was actually thinking about how the hardest part wasn't watching Magnus die. The hardest part was the days following his death. It didn't really hit me at first, you know?"

All Clary had the strength to do was shake her head and give Alec a questioning expression. He seemed to realize he hadn't made any sense and began to speak again. "I just meant that, at first it didn't really set in that he was gone. It was much easier when I was in denial. Now the reality, the loneliness is setting in."

Clary silently held on to Alec as he closed his eyes, obviously biting back the pain. "The pain hit when I realized just how many minutes, hours, days, years I am going to spend without him. We always counted on being together until my death. Never once did we discuss what would happen if he died. It wasn't supposed to work out this way."

He was surprised when Clary turned to look at him once again. "I don't believe that, Alec." Unable to say anything at all, Alec simply raised an eyebrow at her. Was she really going to fight with him about this?

"Magnus was in our lives for a reason, Alec. I may not really know the entire reason right this moment, but I know enough to realize that part of the reason he came into our lives was for you."

"Wh-" Alec suddenly became even more emotional than he had been before. "What do you mean exactly?"

Clary flashed him the smile he knew Jace was in love with. "You and Magnus may not have been given the time you deserved. But Magnus's impact on you was astounding. You are miles away from who you were before you met him. I'd like to think that you are at least twice the man you were even when I met you. And I'd also love to think that you wouldn't be half the man you are right now if it weren't for Magnus. Sure, you'd be a great man no matter what, but Magnus taught you so much about yourself, and without him you wouldn't be anywhere near what you are today."

This time, Alec wrapped both his arms around Clary. "Thank you, Clary. That's the most helpful thing anyone has said since we lost Magnus."

Both Clary and Alec turned in surprise as they heard another voice behind them. "You said 'we' this time." Alec was shocked to see Jace behind him. Jace hadn't visited Magnus's grave once since the day Magnus had been buried. All he had the nerve to say was, "Yes, and?"

Jace sat down on Alec's other side and took one of his hands. "And, you've finally realized that the rest of us lost Magnus, too." Squeezing Alec's hand, Jace kept talking before he could respond. "Now, don't get me wrong. I know that your pain covers ours about a million times over, but he truly was my brother. But I have something else I want to say."

Alec simply furrowed his brow, suddenly anxious over what Jace wanted to say.

"I know this may sound insane, but I don't want to give up on Magnus. We have lived our lives going from one impossible part of our story to another. Literally half of what we've done has been deemed impossible at one point or another."

Jace paused to catch his breath and Alec couldn't help himself. "What are you saying, Jace? You sound crazy to me."

Smiling slightly, Jace began to answer with a gleam in his eyes that Alec was all too familiar with. "What I am saying is that Magnus was my brother. And I don't give up on family. I'm asking you to hear me out and keep up a healthy amount of hope; just don't give up hope. I think I speak for Magnus when I say that death, his or yours, is not going to keep you apart."  
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Alec slept through the night for the first time since Magnus's death. To his surprise, he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face. Try as he might to feel otherwise, he kept thinking that Jace had to be right.

He had fallen asleep reliving the moments before Magnus's death over and over, as he had done almost every night prior. What stuck out this time was the moment when Magnus had asked him to wait for him. Tears in his eyes, Alec had smiled and sworn that Magnus would always be the only man for him.

The moment Alec kept hearing in his mind, however, was when Magnus had said something eerily close to what Jace had preached earlier that day. "Don't give up, Alexander. Please don't give up on us. Death is just a minor bump in our relationship. Wait for me, please."

Smiling, Alec fell asleep remembering the feeling of Magnus's hand in his. "I won't ever give up, Magnus. I promise you, my love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ending was terribly painful, but I would like to point out that when I wrote it, this was the ending that I had planned and there was nothing after that.  
> Then a few months later or something like that, I went back and wrote "Book 2" (even though I promised myself I wouldn't do that). So just think about that until I begin to post Book 2!


	10. Book 2 Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to a comment I got on the last chapter: I have never and will never tag a story with "major character death." The reason for this is that there is no point in me writing a story in which everyone knows that the end result is for one of my characters to die, especially in this situation where you know Magnus is terminally ill.  
> I earned the nickname "Queen of Angst" for a specific reason. Meaning that if you have a large problem with angst, or you're worried about there being character deaths, then don't read my writing. It's as simple as that.   
> I can tell you right now that the things I write will include character deaths, but I am never going to tag one that because knowing that while reading it will make the story much less meaningful.  
> The only type of tag I will ever use is rape or if there needs to be a suicide warning or something along those lines, I will tag that. If you have a problem with this, then feel free to quit reading my work.  
> On the specifics of this story, another reason that it is not tagged is that it is not over yet.  
> With that being said, enjoy the beginning of Book 2!

Magnus woke up blinking rapidly. He was extremely disoriented. How can I possibly be standing beside Alec? He thought. He knew for sure he had just died, there was no getting around that. But the disorienting part was that the afterlife looked a lot like the place he had just left. For several long moments, he stood beside Alec, trying to work things through, until the reality of the situation hit him.

He was definitely dead. The cancer had killed him. But here he was, standing looking at Alec, and, he was suddenly startled. He was looking at Alec, and himself. Magnus was staring at himself laying in the bed he had just died in. That's when he knew he was a ghost, but he immediately began looking for "the door" or whatever he was supposed to use to "cross over."

After what seemed like hours of watching people come into the room and "say goodbye", Magnus became frantic. He tried screaming, he tried touching them, he tried everything he could think of to get Alec's attention, to get anyone's attention. He couldn't find a way for them to hear him, he couldn't touch anything at all.

Finally, Alec sat down with him one last time, leaving just the two of them in the room, well, the three of them if you were really counting. As Alec sat down, Magnus sat with him, full of exasperation and panic. To his surprise, Alec's eyes were void of tears, but he finally broke completely when he realized that he was the one crying.

For weeks, he followed Alec around, not having any idea what he was doing or why he was still there. Alec and the kids were handling things much better than he had expected, which made him happy, but his panic rose every day knowing that he would never be seen or heard again.  
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Jace simply knew he was going insane. There was no way he had seen glimpses of Magnus. He kept reminding himself that Magnus was dead, it was just a bit of shock. He kept telling himself this, until, that is, he saw Magnus for more than a second at a time. This time, he had gone to Magnus's grave with Alec, and Magnus had been standing over them the entire time.

Now he knew he was insane because he was currently on his way back to Magnus's grave, as if that would help solve anything. He was going alone, for now, not wanting to betray anything, not wanting to put any false hope into Alec.

As he approached Magnus's gravestone, he began telling himself that it was just a bit of shock, of Alec's pain that he was feeling through their bond. He stood for a bit at Magnus's grave, then he inexplicably began talking to Magnus. He was just beginning to tell Magnus how proud he was of the twins, how glad he was that they were there to take care of Alec through everything.

He almost passed out when he saw Magnus appear in front of him. "Bloody hell" were the only words that could come out of his mouth. To his satisfaction, Magnus looked equally as surprised.

"You-" Magnus began trying to speak, obviously not knowing what to do. "You can see me?" His voice broke as he tried to speak, and that's when it finally hit Jace that he was talking to Magnus's ghost.

"I need to sit down," Jace rubbed his hands through his hair. "Right now."

Looking up at Magnus, Jace could now fully see him again, although his coloring definitely showed Jace that he was a ghost. Unable to explain why he did so, Jace then uttered the dumbest question he could think of. "Why are you still here, Magnus?"

He was startled when Magnus gave a sharp laugh. It was the type of laugh that's somewhere between a laugh and a cry that people make when they are tired, worn out, and on the verge of breaking. It was the type of laugh that did not fit Magnus at all.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Jace." He sat down on the ground as well, immediately putting his head in his hands. "I've never been a betting man, but if I was, I would put my money on Alexander."

Jace nodded slowly, as if coming to that realization just at the same moment. "What do we do then?" was his only question.

Magnus threw his hands up, and Jace could easily read the terror and pain he had obviously been feeling since he had died. The only thing Jace knew to do was to keep talking, and he quickly realized that that was the worst course of action possible, but that didn't stop him from doing so anyways. "I mean, is there something we're supposed to do that will help you, you know, cross over? Is that what you're even going to do? And why on Earth am I the only one who can see and hear you? And-"

Finally, Magnus held up a hand to stop Jace mid speech. "Jace, you're like the brother I never had, but please, for the love of God, please, shut up for just a second."

Under any other circumstance, Jace would have been amused at what Magnus was saying, but at the moment, he was terrified of what was going on.

"There is only one thing I do know at this moment, Jace. And that is that you cannot tell Alexander about this. Either he won't believe you and it will hurt him, or he will believe you and it will still hurt him."

When Jace was silent, Magnus continued. "Some ghosts can be seen when they want to be seen, but then there are some Shadowhunters who can see all ghosts no matter what. My hunch is that you're simply the only one who can see me. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to "cross over" or whatever is supposed to happen. But no matter what, we don't tell Alexander."

Absentmindedly, Jace began nodding and speaking, "Right, don't tell Alec."

"Don't tell Alec what exactly?" Jace whirled franticly as he heard Alec behind him. The last thing he needed today was Alec figuring this out because, as much as he hated it, Magnus was right, this would break Alec's heart even more.

He looked from Magnus to Alec, then realized that he most likely looked like a madman. He would have strangled Magnus at the faces and gestures he was making, but he simply turned to Alec and attempted to lie. "You must be going crazy, I didn't utter a word."

Alec sat down beside him and elbowed him with a faint smile. "Well as long as you're not seeing Magnus's ghost, then I guess I'll let it go."

Jace gave his most convincing laugh as he listened to Magnus's groan beside of them.


	11. Book 2 Chapter 2

"So let's get this straight." Jace and Magnus had been going at it for hours, throwing out ideas about why he was there, what they needed to do. They had thought of everything, and yet the seemed no closer to coming up with any real idea of what to do about the situation. "You're still here, and we have no idea what we have to do to help you 'cross over' or whatever."

Putting his head in his hands, Magnus sighed deeply. "Yes, Jace. After three hours we still have no idea what to do."

There was a terribly long pause, and Magnus didn't have the nerve to keep Jace from his thinking. But what Jace said next, made him the speechless one. "Do you want to cross over?"

Magnus knew it was a simple question. He knew he shouldn't be intimidated by answering it, but for some unknown reason, he had no idea what he would say in response. He looked down at his feet as he began speaking, unable to bring himself to look at Jace. "I honestly have no idea. I mean, of course I want to be with Alec again. But if I come back now, then I will lose him in the end. If I cross over now, then he and I can be together in that way."

"But you're here still for a reason, we do know that much, right?"

With a soft smile, Magnus nodded. "Yes, that is something we both agree on. I'm still here for a reason. What that reason might be, however, I have no idea."

After another long pause, Jace finally spoke again. "I have an idea," he simply announced. This caused Magnus to groan internally. Jace's ideas were never good things.

"I think you should go to your father about this." Before Magnus could say anything, Jace continued speaking, knowing that there would be automatic rejection of this idea. "You're dead, Magnus. What have you got to lose?"

Magnus knew very well what his father could do to him, dead or alive, but he refrained from mentioning that to Jace.  
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"Now I'm the one who's insane", Magnus thought. "Since when have I ever listened to Jace?"

Summoning his father had been the easy part, but now he was trying to keep Jace from being his typical self and insulting Asmodeus in a way that would surely get him killed. It was very likely that Asmodeus would kill Jace out of boredom rather than helping them in any conceivable way.

"I am failing to see," his father was saying, "what exactly you want from me."

Seeing his opportunity to properly intervene, Magnus spoke up before Jace had the chance to this time. "I'm not exactly sure myself, Father. I don't really know what's going on, or rather, why I'm still here and not, you know, with you or whatever."

Chills ran down Magnus's spine when his father smiled at him, a terrible, evil smile. A smile he knew all too well. "You've obviously got some unfinished business, son. But I think you simply need to decide what you want to do. Either you want my help, or you don't."

"Now it's your turn to explain something to me. You're offering me help, but what I fail to see is what you are going to offer me." Magnus attempted to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat, but this was in vain.

When Asmodeus answered, there was some amusement in his voice, never a good sign from him. "I am offering to bring you back to life, Magnus. Honestly, how dense can you be?"

Magnus felt a bit lightheaded, but he knew that he couldn't possibly be, as he was already dead, there was no blood rushing through him. He knew that his father couldn't possibly be offering what he had just said, that was too good to be true.

"What's the catch, then?" He kept his voice as calm and as even as he could, not wanting to give away the hope that was building up inside him.

Jace jumped when Asmodeus let out a sharp laugh. "Why do you assume I am going to add a twist to the end, son? You wound me."

When Magnus didn't answer, Asmodeus flashed another smile, and Magnus began to feel sick. "Well, you may wound me, but you do know me very well. There is a catch, son."

Asmodeus seemed to know that he would have Magnus trapped by what he said next, as his smile only widened as he said it. "I will bring you back to life, and you will be healthy again. But I will take away your immortality." He looked Magnus straight in the eye as he finished speaking. "Your immortality, and your powers."


	12. Book 2 Chapter 3

Magnus and Jace fought for what seemed like hours. Magnus was set against telling Alec what was going on, but Jace thought that the only solution was to go to Alec before making any decision at all.

"No, Jace." Magnus took yet another deep breath. "I may not come back at all, and I don't want to hurt Alexander if that ends up being the case." Jace was silent for a bit too long, and Magnus was just beginning to think that he had finally won the argument. Then Jace began to speak again.

"It's his decision, too. You can't deprive him of that. He should have a say in what happens, it has as much to do with his life as it does with yours."

Magnus's worst nightmare began immediately after Jace finished speaking, and it suddenly felt as though he couldn't breathe, as though he was slowly suffocating.

"What's my decision, Jace?" It was Alec behind them, and although Jace was generally a quick thinker, he seemed to have trouble forming any words at all, so Alec simply continued talking. "And please do not tell me that you didn't say anything. I've been standing here for a good few minutes. I know you've been talking to someone, and I'm pretty certain you're not talking to yourself."

As Jace tried to shake his head, Alec held a hand up. "Don't lie to me, please. You owe me that much, I think. What's going on?"

Looking at Magnus, Jace could tell that he wasn't going to be able to get out of the situation in any way, so he simply jumped right into it. "Sit down, Alec. This is going to take a bit longer than you most likely expect."

Not knowing exactly where to start, Jace waited a bit too long to begin speaking again, but Alec waited patiently, as he always had. When Jace still couldn't seem to form any explanation, however, Alec spoke again, this time with more emotion in his voice than usual. "What are you scared of, Jace?"

Jace turned to look at Alec slightly surprised. "Do you want me to answer that honestly?" was all he could think to answer. He felt a lump form in his throat when Alec simply nodded.

Thinking it would be the best to just jump straight in, he responded, "I'm afraid of hurting you." At that, Alec looked utterly confused, but he decided that staying silent this time would be the best course of action, so he simply waited for Jace to speak again.

"I'm afraid that you won't believe what I have to tell you, that you'll think I'm lying to you. I'm afraid that you'll be so emotional you won't remember that I would never hurt you. Or you'll believe me, and you'll get your hopes up only to have them crushed again." Jace became slightly emotional himself, though he was good at hiding it, when Alec reached over to give his hand a gentle squeeze.

Jace was surprised when Alec began speaking in a soft voice. "This is about Magnus, isn't it?" His voice cracked slightly when he said Magnus's name, but it was amazing to Jace that he had been able to say it at all.

"It is, Alec. Just try to hear me out please, I would never hurt you. Ever. You know that, so just keep that in mind while I talk to you about this. Keep in mind how much I love you."

As Jace explained what was going on, Alec stayed utterly silent and still. Every so often, Magnus would interject something he wanted Jace to say, but he never acted as if he were speaking directly to Alec. When Jace was finished, Alec sat silent for a few moments. Then he slowly looked up at Jace before turning to look around the room.

"Is he- well- is Magnus here? Right now?" Jace simply nodded and pointed to where Magnus was, Alec immediately looking toward where he was pointing. All Alec could do was stare, becoming suddenly speechless, but when he finally turned to look back at Jace there were tears in his eyes.

"Why-" Alec tried to ask a question, but he was also trying to stay calm. "Why are you telling me all this?" Turning to look at Magnus he said, "Why are you still here? What are we going to do? What does your father think he'll get out of this? What about the kids? How-"

As Alec began speaking faster and faster, Jace took hold of his hand again and gave it a squeeze this time while also interrupting Alec. "Hey there, shhhh. Calm down for a second; we'll figure things out, I promise. Just take a deep breath."

Alec closed his eyes, and Jace could tell that he was trying to keep himself calm. Jace only turned from looking at Alec when Magnus spoke up. "Jace? Will you tell him something for me?" Jace was only able to nod, slightly afraid of what Magnus wanted to say.

"Just tell him I love him, please." When Jace told Alec as much, he was surprised to see that Alec didn't cry still. His change in emotion was not a bad one, but rather he smiled softly, as though Magnus's new-found presence was a comfort to him.

"And Jace, tell him something else please. Make sure that he knows that I'll do whatever he wants me to. Make sure he knows that this decision is up to him entirely."  
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"Daddy?" Alec started when he heard Maggie's soft voice behind him. He had been sitting in the living room simply thinking about what on Earth he might do about Magnus's situation. He knew that Magnus was most likely sitting right beside him, and that thought was what allowed him to keep himself together. "Daddy? Can I talk to you?"

At that, Alec finally responded by nodding and patting his legs, indicating that she should come sit on his lap. As soon as she did so, he took her in his arms, an action that comforted him greatly. "What is it sweetheart? Is everything okay?"

Maggie looked up at him with wide eyes. "I'm fine, Daddy. I'm just worried about you, that's all." Alec had thought he had been getting stronger emotionally, but as soon as Maggie said this, he felt tears in his eyes. He knew he hadn't been anywhere near the father he should have been since Magnus died, but he couldn't seem to find the same joy in life that he used to. The only bright spots he had seen lately had been his children.

He had thought of the fact that the twins would be going through Hell as well, that their grieving would be just as great as his, so he had tried to make up family things for them to do every day, but they never felt the same. What Alec hadn't ever considered was the thought that his children might be worrying about him.

Sure, they had snuck in and slept with him for a couple of weeks after Magnus's death, but he had thought that at this point they figured he was getting better.

Finally realizing that he hadn't responded to his daughter yet, Alec looked back down at her and gave the best smile he could muster. "I'm fine, darling. Don't you worry about me. I have you and Max still and the two of you are enough to make me happy forever." It was surprising even to himself that he genuinely meant what he had just said.

"I miss Daddy too, but I can't stand seeing you like this. You're not really yourself anymore. And Daddy wouldn't want that." Maggie's voice was utterly clear, and Alec could tell that she had been thinking about this long before the conversation they were having.

Suddenly, Alec had an insane thought, but he decided to follow it because he didn't have any sort of plan otherwise. "Maggie? I have a question of my own." When she looked up at him with a questioning gaze, Alec took a deep breath and decided plunging in was the best idea. "If you could have Daddy back, but he would be mundane this time and not like you, would you want him to come back like that?"

Alec watched with bated breath as he watched Maggie work through the thought he had just planted in her mind. Her answer stopped him in his own thoughts. "Do you want to know my honest answer, Daddy? I would want whatever would make you the happiest."

For the first time in weeks, Alec genuinely smiled. He knew what he had to do, he just had no idea where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts so far! There's one more chapter to this, so I hope you've been enjoying this!


	13. Book 2 Chapter 4

The Clave was in an absolute uproar, not that it took much to accomplish that these days. They were utterly convinced that Magnus could never have come back to life without help from some form of black magic. Alec was not about to be the one to tell them that they weren't far off. He was currently sitting with both of the twins on his lap, and they were watching Magnus's interrogation.

Magnus had decided to stick to the story that his father had randomly decided to bring him back to life without an explanation. The Clave, however, wasn't buying that. Alec couldn't blame them for that. What he could blame them for was the fact that they thought Asmodeus had brought Magnus back because Magnus was doing some sort of demon work for his father. It was the most insane thing the Clave had ever said that Alec could hardly contain his anger.

What was helping him contain his anger was the fact that he had never been so happy in his life. Even looking at Magnus from across the room was filling him with joy. For the first time in weeks, he could finally catch his breath again, he was finally able to smile again.

He and Magnus had considered the fact that the twins would lose both of them, but in the end, they decided that giving the twins both of their parents for as long as possible was the best option for everyone. Alec had to admit that he had very selfishly wanted Magnus back, but that was beside the point.

Alec jerked out of his thoughts as he heard someone begin to yell. "And how do we know that you aren't back to kill all the Shadowhunters where we stand?" At that, Alec began to get angry all over again. Then he heard Magnus laugh in a most peculiar way.

"My husband is a Shadowhunter." Magnus's voice was scarily calm. "I'm actually insulted that you would even suggest the idea that I would destroy my family."

A Clave member Alec had never met spoke up next. "You're one of the most powerful warlocks in the world. What are we supposed to think when you rise from the dead?"

"You're all idiots," Magnus responded. "I've told you already that I am as mundane as I could possibly be now. I couldn't use magic to destroy you if I wanted to. Not that I've not had plenty of hand-to-hand combat training, but even I couldn't single handedly take down all the Shadowhunters in the world without a bit of magical help."

"That is where your father comes in," was the response Magnus was given, and Alec could tell that Magnus was visibly angered by that.

"I would never work with my father." He put extra emphasis on the word "never". Alec watched as he took a deep breath and then continued speaking. "My father has tried to kill me more times than I can count. He was the most abusive parent any of you could ever imagine. The very idea that anyone could think I would work with him toward any goal makes me sick."

When Magnus had finished speaking, the room filled with silence for the first time since they had entered the room. It was filled with the sense that half of the people were feeling sorry for Magnus while the other half was still trying to work out whether or not they believed Magnus.

Finally, another member stepped forward saying, "We need someone to vouch for him before we can let him go. We have to be safe about this. We need a Shadowhunter to take the blame if anything goes wrong."

Silence filled the room again as everyone seemed to want to avoid taking that sort of responsibility. Alec knew that his word would never mean anything to the Clave in this situation, so he didn't even begin to open his mouth.

"I will take that responsibility." Alec whirled around as he heard his own father speak up this time. He couldn't tell who was more shocked, himself or the rest of the Clave. "Magnus is my son, and I trust that he is back simply because of his love for his family. So," Robert began to look around the room as though daring anyone to say anything against him. "I think we can all agree to kindly let Magnus go now." He nodded his head toward Magnus and began smiling when Magnus was reunited with his husband and children. "Now I think it is time to move on to more important matters than this."  
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The air was cold as Maggie and Max walked along the path they knew all too well. They had walked this path more times than they could count. Max often said that they could reach their destination in their sleep.

Even though the pathway there was terribly familiar, Maggie knew that it would never become any easier to walk this path. It had been 50 years since they had lost their parents, and she and Max had made a pact that they would visit their fathers' graves once a month. They had silently agreed to keep fresh flowers on their graves as well. Blue for Magnus and green for Alec because they knew their fathers had always loved anything that matched the eye color of the other.

Maggie felt Max wrap his arm around her as they got closer to the graves. He had always protected her, and he had protected her even more so since they had lost Magnus and Alec. Alec had died first; he had been hurt in a fight with a demon and had been unable to recover properly. Magnus had followed soon after. His official cause of death had been natural causes, but Maggie and Max had always said that he had died of a broken heart.

As they came up to the graves, Maggie lingered back a moment, suddenly overcome with grief. Their dads had once asked them to never grieve for them; they said that being together would be the best gift for them, so they wanted their children to simply keep their memory alive.

When Maggie stepped up beside Max, he turned to smile at her. "You want to say anything to them this time?"

Maggie was about to shake her head when she thought better of it. "Just two things." She took a deep breath before turning to face the graves again. "Just that their grandkids miss them. And also, happy anniversary, dads."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with this story! I know the style's a bit different than my style now because I wrote it so long ago!  
> Let me know your thoughts, and thanks so much for all the enthusiasm over it!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts! This story gets pretty intense, but I'm excited to share it with you all! It's one of my favorites that I've written (and yes, it is finished already)!


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